Thursday, January 29, 2009
Just when I thought that things will go anew in my JC life...
Just when I thought...
The scary thing is like haunting me once again, and I felt the 'feeling' once more...
and it is no joke...
It is darn painful...
It was like hurting non-stop during the first two lessons of today, and the feeling was like being slashed right in my heart...
I don't know why, but it really hurts, and I don't know whether is it my yawning or is it the pain that made me tear in class for a few time...
Luckily, the pain has yet to kill me...
and I'm thinking of just letting it go, and not allow the wound to surface again...
But it will all bring me back to my materialistic self that I had been recently, drowning my sorrows in smiles and not being pessimistic and just remain super optimistic...
being nice when I don't feel like it...
It just hurts, but I just don't know why, 31st gave me the smiles, but it just doesn't seem real (Ely, I'm sorry for saying this again)
I was like cruising through my own blog posts two day ago and I found out that I had actually changed a lot ever since joining council. I've became so 'fake', cos I just refuse to care about the world, just believe in things that I see, and give an optimistic view about it...
But for now, it all seems so difficult out of a sudden, cos my old self is haunting me again...
I can still remember the times when this old problem struck me over and over and over again, and the pain was totally unbearable, I had to study to drown my sorrows...
Now I cannot let my own problems get into the way of orientation. I shall allow this smile to remain plastered on my face, and just be my '31st self' for this moment. I shall be nice as always...
But I'm just scared, so scared, that something bad might happen soon, I just hope that work, this time, is still a useful strategy to drown my sorrows...
(R^3)CMI wrote some crap again... <3 11:30 PM
