Thursday, October 01, 2009
I really don't know if you call it lucky or unlucky...
This was what happened today...
As usual, I was my happy self going home from school with my friends, talking quite loudly and also suaning Jia Jun as always...
But as I reached Serangoon MRT station, I met someone whom I've not met for a long time, almost about two years.
When she saw me, her first reaction was like 'turn away and face the other direction'. Then I took a while standing about two doors away, dumbfounded, because I would never had expected to see her ever again in my life.
Then when all of us went into the train carriage (by the way, I was still a bit stunned), I stood at the door, somehow blocking the whole entrance. Then it sorta took me a while to realise I was blocking the path and my friends and I moved to center of the carriage. (Okay, by then I was closer to her and is able to see her)
Then this was what I've realised. She continued to face the other direction, as if she did not want me to recognise her. I sorta had a conflict in myself on whether I should go talk to her, but as I thought of all the stuff that I've did a long long time ago, I sorta just pretended that I never saw her. But by then I guess everyone would have sensed that I had suddenly become super quiet.
So after I reached Hougang, I just sorta rushed out of the train carriage and then slowed down my pace to walk slower by the glass, and as the train went past, I caught a last glimpse of her, and yups, it ended. After which, as I walked back home up till now, I had been very quiet, and kinda vexed.
I wonder if it's lucky or unlucky that I've seen her.
Somehow seeing her was like a miraculous nightmare. Seeing her again after a long time was a miracle, and I actually think that it's okay. It is a nightmare because it sort of brought back all my bad memories from before. It was just that simple. One short 5 mins accounter tore me up once again.
The bad memories, are those that highlighted my stupidity, my naive-ness, and perhaps some important lessons that I've learnt.
Maybe I should not associate them as bad memories, perhaps as life lessons.
These were the stuff that she'd taught me. How to give up and knowing what is pure stupidity.
She taught me how to give up, that people who do not really know each other will never have a chance together, and that as long as a girl likes another guy, no point for me. That IS the reason for my recent 'give up' a few months ago, and some of my friends may know what I'm talking about.
She also taught me what was pure stupidity (0n my side). I did stupid stuff to get her attention, and was super naive and childish. Because of her, perhaps I lost my ability to talk to the female species comfortably until JC. I know it sounds stupid, and it really is.
So yups, I guess it was right for her to pretend that she did not know me and I did not know her, since I may have scared her off last time, and I don't wish to bring nightmares to her.
I've changed since then, but I wonder if anyone knows. I doubt she does not know, and she will never know.
"It's a wonder what 5 minutes can actually do..."
(R^3)CMI wrote some crap again... <3 9:04 PM
